My nursing crisis

After my initial experience with Oncology I thought I didn't want to be a nurse any more. I didn't want to be witness to that suffering and I thought 'ignorance is bliss'.

I resigned a year after I got married and went to live in Spain for 6 months. I was a barmaid. I didn't have any responsibilities. If I made a mistake it didn't really matter-someone got the wrong beer- not the end of the world.I had fun. I loved my job. I wanted a baby and to be a mum - nothing else.

We returned from Spain to have our first baby and I thought it was the best job I ever had. I loved it and thrived at being a stay at home mum. There was just that little 'nagging' at the back of my mind. When ever I filled in any forms and it asked for occupation I wanted to say nurse. Both the kids birth certificates list my occupation as 'children's nurse.'

When my little girl was 6 months old I applied for a very part time job. A charity wanted 'children's advocates' to work in children's homes for 2 hours a fortnight on an evening. I applied and got the job. I visited young people as they were first placed in a group home. I went to court with them,attended meetings with them,had dinner with them,listened to them talk and  we watched TV .After three years I was regularly visiting 3 homes on a weekly basis.

When my second baby was 10 months old I applied to work with another charity.This time we were involved in running parent workshops and support services.I worked with some of the most 'difficult to reach' parents in the country. I loved working with young mothers particularly and ran a number of courses in one of the most socially deprived areas in the North East of England. I fitted my work in around the kids and took my baby to the creches with me that were provided by the charity.

Both of these jobs I got because I was a nurse. They weren't directly clinical nursing but the skills were transferable. I started and managed a 'toddler' group that was registered with the local council. I helped to care for my mum who was sick .

We decided to emigrate to Australia at this point and I knew the key to a successful Visa was my nursing.I decided it was time for me to bite the bullet and return to the hospital. I was terrified and vowed to handle it differently this time. I didn't really want to return and saw it as a means to an end.I went back on a casual basis. The plan was to have Orientation on the Oncology ward for 3 days then venture out onto the other wards once my confidence was back. I completed my orientation on my old ward. I didn't leave for another 12 months.

I loved it and had found my passion for clinical nursing once again.